You Reap What You Sow – The Good and The Bad

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Photo Created by Raiscara Avalon

My chickens are coming home to roost. And not the good kind.

Due to not really having enough to cover everything, I’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul some months. The problem is forgetting which month you robbed Peter, so you can rob Paul to pay Peter back and all that fun stuff. It’s not easy to be poor, that’s for damn sure. Anyone who says otherwise has never been poor.

The chickens that came home to roost are unpaid balances. And the subsequent disconnection of my phone and internet right before Christmas. Which is why this post is late.

I now have to use the mobile hotspot on my cellphone to do anything, and the reason I still have a landline phone is the decided lack of service here – so frustrations abound. Of course, it’s all my fault, so I’m trying to just work with them…but I still want to throw things. Hard.

Okay, so I guess this is going to be Monday’s post instead of Friday’s, as it is now Saturday and I’m not finished with it.

Frustration, much?! *sigh*

Some things I am working on to ensure this little situation never happens again is the dreaded budget. And my budget is so tight it squeaks. My family is not going to be happy when all the little pleasures that they have been accustomed to go bye-bye. At least for a while.

But financial stability is far more important.

I already know that I’m going to have a hard time saying no because I do want my family to be happy – and this is going to be a shitty Christmas already. Like, worst Christmas I’ve had in a long time shitty. 2019 hasn’t been my year, or my daughter’s, or my boyfriend’s – but hey, 2020 is literally right around the corner!

Seriously, I had the lowest child support month ever while actually receiving child support this month. $27. WTF am I even supposed to do with that? $19 went to Christmas, $8 to my gas tank. #winning

Just got back from the food pantry this morning, which requires me to be awake at the bullshit hour of 5 am and out the door by 6. It was 5F degrees outside.  So I had to get up at bullshit o’clock and go outside in bullshit weather. It was bullshit, but I can feed my family for a little longer.

Now I’m just waiting on the turkey box, so I can maybe feed them Christmas dinner on Christmas day. *sigh*

To say that I have reaped what I’ve sowed would be accurate. 

Granted, it really isn’t entirely my fault, but there’s nothing I can do to change those aspects – I can only work within the realm of my own control. And who knows, maybe it IS really entirely my own fault – no one knows for sure the extent of reality that the brain creates.

So maybe every part of reality that touches me was created by one or more of my own thoughts. Scary, but interesting.

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

But I do know this – I haven’t reaped everything that I have already sowed yet. And I have many years of sowing left, with the average life expectancy of my family, barring any sudden terminal illness or accidents. I have sowed as much good as I have negative (I really hate the word bad for some reason) and I have the obvious chance to sow much, much more positive things for Future Me.

It would be very easy for me to get caught up in the negatives, playing the victim and being all why me? over this. But if we create our reality – wouldn’t that just be sowing MORE of this nonsense? What logical sense does that make?! We certainly do not want more of this negative stuff, that’s for sure.

Future Me would not be very happy with Present Me, that’s for damn sure.

Just like Present Me is not too happy with Past Me but knows there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Maybe Present You isn’t happy with Past You, it’s not a very comfortable feeling, is it? What we can do from this point on is keep Future Me/You in mind when doing things with Present Me/You…what will Future Me think about this? Does this get me to where Future Me wants to be? I can’t do that, Future Me wouldn’t like it.

You know how your Mom or Dad allowed you to always use them as an excuse? Use Future Me and lay the blame squarely at their feet.

Just don’t use it as a form of avoidance. You still need to sow, just like I do – and even doing nothing is something, a choice, a form of sowing. Doing nothing is NEVER not doing anything. The difference with doing nothing is you don’t know if it sways the balance towards the positive or the negative. It’s not neutral, it goes one way or another. It’s the mystery box if you will.

You reap what you sow – what have you reaped lately? Good or negative? How has it changed you or your life? What can you do differently next time?