And no, I don’t mean that catchy NSync tune either. Alright, you twisted my arm. I will warn you though, it is catchy as hell! And naturally, they’re adorable.
It’s old, I get it – but it still gives me the warm fuzzies. And I don’t know about you, but I feel most of us could use some warm fuzzies and holiday spirit this year!
No matter the frustrations of the season, remember to give thanks. Maybe now is the perfect time for us all to start Gratitude journals! Oh, I was the only one who got notebooks for Christmas? Seriously?! Use something else. I actually use journaling software for it anywho. So there!
Enjoy your holidays everyone, and most importantly – may the odds be forever in your favor. Stay safe out there!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours! What are some of your holiday traditions and stories?
My chickens are coming home to roost. And not the good kind.
Due to not really having enough to cover everything, I’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul some months. The problem is forgetting which month you robbed Peter, so you can rob Paul to pay Peter back and all that fun stuff. It’s not easy to be poor, that’s for damn sure. Anyone who says otherwise has never been poor.
The chickens that came home to roost are unpaid balances. And the subsequent disconnection of my phone and internet right before Christmas. Which is why this post is late.
I now have to use the mobile hotspot on my cellphone to do anything, and the reason I still have a landline phone is the decided lack of service here – so frustrations abound. Of course, it’s all my fault, so I’m trying to just work with them…but I still want to throw things. Hard.
Okay, so I guess this is going to be Monday’s post instead of Friday’s, as it is now Saturday and I’m not finished with it.
Frustration, much?! *sigh*
Some things I am working on to ensure this little situation never happens again is the dreaded budget. And my budget is so tight it squeaks. My family is not going to be happy when all the little pleasures that they have been accustomed to go bye-bye. At least for a while.
But financial stability is far more important.
I already know that I’m going to have a hard time saying no because I do want my family to be happy – and this is going to be a shitty Christmas already. Like, worst Christmas I’ve had in a long time shitty. 2019 hasn’t been my year, or my daughter’s, or my boyfriend’s – but hey, 2020 is literally right around the corner!
Seriously, I had the lowest child support month ever while actually receiving child support this month. $27. WTF am I even supposed to do with that? $19 went to Christmas, $8 to my gas tank. #winning
Just got back from the food pantry this morning, which requires me to be awake at the bullshit hour of 5 am and out the door by 6. It was 5F degrees outside. So I had to get up at bullshit o’clock and go outside in bullshit weather. It was bullshit, but I can feed my family for a little longer.
Now I’m just waiting on the turkey box, so I can maybe feed them Christmas dinner on Christmas day. *sigh*
To say that I have reaped what I’ve sowed would be accurate.
Granted, it really isn’t entirely my fault, but there’s nothing I can do to change those aspects – I can only work within the realm of my own control. And who knows, maybe it IS really entirely my own fault – no one knows for sure the extent of reality that the brain creates.
So maybe every part of reality that touches me was created by one or more of my own thoughts. Scary, but interesting.
But I do know this – I haven’t reaped everything that I have already sowed yet. And I have many years of sowing left, with the average life expectancy of my family, barring any sudden terminal illness or accidents. I have sowed as much good as I have negative (I really hate the word bad for some reason) and I have the obvious chance to sow much, much more positive things for Future Me.
It would be very easy for me to get caught up in the negatives, playing the victim and being all why me? over this. But if we create our reality – wouldn’t that just be sowing MORE of this nonsense? What logical sense does that make?! We certainly do not want more of this negative stuff, that’s for sure.
Future Me would not be very happy with Present Me, that’s for damn sure.
Just like Present Me is not too happy with Past Me but knows there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Maybe Present You isn’t happy with Past You, it’s not a very comfortable feeling, is it? What we can do from this point on is keep Future Me/You in mind when doing things with Present Me/You…what will Future Me think about this? Does this get me to where Future Me wants to be? I can’t do that, Future Me wouldn’t like it.
You know how your Mom or Dad allowed you to always use them as an excuse? Use Future Me and lay the blame squarely at their feet.
Just don’t use it as a form of avoidance. You still need to sow, just like I do – and even doing nothing is something, a choice, a form of sowing. Doing nothing is NEVER not doing anything. The difference with doing nothing is you don’t know if it sways the balance towards the positive or the negative. It’s not neutral, it goes one way or another. It’s the mystery box if you will.
You reap what you sow – what have you reaped lately? Good or negative? How has it changed you or your life? What can you do differently next time?
Well, not entirely from scratch, but more or less so. I am redoing pretty much everything I can because a lot of the older stuff no longer fits. Why? Because I am taking a far more relaxed approach to these things now.
I’m bringing back the fun to my work and my life. Slowly. I have deleted all previous posts on this blog – don’t worry, there will be tons of value for you coming up. I will admit, I’m going to be a little more “me” focused on here because one of the best ways to teach or help others is to lead by example.
And honestly, I felt more like I was trying too hard to be all value-driven and other people-focused. I lost sight of what I do best. I took myself out of the equation, and all that was left was cold advice that was not what anyone needed.
So expect more glimpses into my actual life. Because I’m getting very real.
My Christmas spirit is shit. Seriously. And I can’t really blame the 20 some odd years of working in customer service anymore. I haven’t worked in customer service very long for almost a decade, and the customer service I did work in that time period was not Christmas related like retail…and really, the one time I worked there over the holidays, there wasn’t much for decorating or music or anything like that – it was a call center, and they liked to keep it professional.
I do get spurts of Christmas spirit though. Yesterday, I baked some delicious Pumpkin and Dark Chocolate cookies while actually listening to Christmas music.
They were out of this world delicious, though obviously I’m not an Instagram chef/baker. Who has time to make perfectly round cookies anyway?
But as it, like my energy, comes in waves, the Christmas tree isn’t even decorated! It has lights (the blue being a recent addition) and a topper.
Hopefully, this gets rectified by Christmas. Especially as I have presents to get wrapped and placed under said Christmas tree – and I can’t have it looking so sparse! Though at least it has a topper this year, that is an improvement over other years.
Today I spent most of the day in hiding. I don’t do Friday the 13th and haven’t since I became an adult. Well, since about the age of 20 or so. When I was a teen, it was always an awesome day for me, a super lucky one. According to astrology, Friday is my lucky day, and 13 is my lucky number, which always made Friday the 13th a super lucky awesome day for me – until I hit about 20. It was all downhill from there and quickly became a very unlucky, super bad day.
Why I don’t know. Maybe it’s really a lucky day, but the Universe was showing me something I didn’t want to see, so I considered it bad luck? Hard saying not knowing, but it’s hard to overcome almost 17 years of aversion to it.
Things didn’t go to plan today, but they weren’t MY plans, they were kiddos plans…so is that bad luck for me or her? Spent the non-hiding time running her and her on-again, off-again boyfriend around, trying to find a hotel that would allow under 21-year-olds to be there.
One place was rude, so I definitely will never get a hotel room from them (Best Western in Waterville, ME, I’m looking at you) and the other was polite, but wouldn’t let them stay without an “adult.” Since when do you have to be 21? What happened to being 18? Either way, we all came home and brought him with us cause the roads were getting icy due to a rainstorm – freezing rain right now.
Wasn’t safe to be out there much longer. Couldn’t even walk without sliding, it was that bad.
So now I’m home, getting some work type stuff done at 9 pm cause I want to. I don’t have to, cause it’s Friday night and late, plus I am enjoying an adult beverage of my own. But I’m doing it because I want to because I want this post to be published today…and a few other things besides.
How have you started over? Have you done so recently? Why did you or did you not?Is starting over something you do regularly?
Writer. Editor. Proofreader. Tutor. Writing Coach. Life Coach. Chronic Illness Sufferer. Single Mom. Photographer.