Category: Budget

2019 In Review and Looking Forward To 2020

Photo Created by Raiscara Avalon

It’s time to wrap up the year, and 2019 was one hell of a year. Mostly filled to the brim with bullshit, but hey, what’s the end of a decade for? Thank the gods that it is over!

Did Anything Go Right In 2019?

I got a new furnace. Otherwise, no – and the man is sticking it to us even now, just before the end of the year. The boyfriend has lost his food stamps and medical, for no known reason – and I’m down to $16 a month currently, for some unknown reason. And with no phone, can’t find out why and maybe fix it just yet. Always something this year to make life a little more challenging – but hey, definitely incentive to get the fuck off the state.

They really are more trouble then they are worth.

You end up jumping through more hoops than a normal person would expect, after laying down any sort of dignity you had left. Then you are beholden to them as they dole out some measly amount that you can just barely maybe survive on…but can change on a whim. And woe to the person that doesn’t follow the 400 million rules there are to these “benefits!” Never mind the fact that no one knows 1% of them, never mind ALL of them – and most of them you swear are made up literally on the spot.

Did I mention that you are treated like literal dirt this whole time? How dare you *gasp* need help?!

Image by annca from Pixabay

2010 – 2019

Honestly, not a good decade for me – at all! Lots of loss in the beginning – lost my mother in Oct of 2010. My daughter was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis in Jan 2011. Literally one thing after the other happened in this decade – it was a very turbulent decade. I became disabled in 2010, though I didn’t actually receive benefits till 2015. I will be very glad to see the backside of this decade, that is for sure.

I don’t think I met any of my goals at all in this decade, other than staying alive. Which is all I really can say I did. Which is actually quite the accomplishment, considering there were many a time where I was pretty sure life was trying to kill me.

Looking Forward To 2020

Fortunately, 2019 is almost behind us. And before us, all the glory that is 2020 and a new decade wrapped up in one. I have high hopes for this year, and this decade, that’s for sure. I’m not entirely sure it could be any worse than the one I just left. Really hoping to do some living and not just surviving, that’s for sure – I’m not getting any younger. Kiddo is going to be graduating high school soon – I’m running out of time quite literally.

In 2020 I am focusing on my most important value: Freedom. Without that one value, nothing else really matters all that much to me. And I’m finding already that freedom means much more than face value! I’m digging into some limiting beliefs, soul searching, doing lots of inner work – while also focusing on the obvious financial and other external definitions as well. This may carry me through the entire decade, we shall see.

Making more money is definitely one of my goals. But beyond that, I’m actually putting the time and effort into becoming financially stable with what I have right now. Yes, that means a budget – and so far, no one is happy with it but me. My boyfriend is the least happy. He’s already trying to change my mind and manipulate things to his liking, but so far, I’m holding strong. He’s even threatened not to do anything around the house! Which hey, is fine by me – do nothing, and I don’t have to give you an allowance at all. That’s money I can put elsewhere.

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and with them, several new habits need to be instilled into me. A lot of people forget that habits make up goals and that to make goals easier, you need to come up with and get new habits. I’m about as prepared for 2020 as I can get, though I still have some planning to do to ensure that everything I can think of is covered. Of course, it’s a living document – I’ll be adding as time goes on and removing as things get accomplished.

What are your plans for 2020? Are you happy or sad that 2019 is leaving us?

Posts You May Have Missed In 2019

Starting Over From Scratch

Healthy Meal Planning Bundle Expiring Soon (Expired)

Everything Is An Experiment

You Reap What You Sow – The Good AND The Bad

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Herbs & Essential Oils Super Bundle 2019

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You Reap What You Sow – The Good and The Bad

Photo Created by Raiscara Avalon

My chickens are coming home to roost. And not the good kind.

Due to not really having enough to cover everything, I’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul some months. The problem is forgetting which month you robbed Peter, so you can rob Paul to pay Peter back and all that fun stuff. It’s not easy to be poor, that’s for damn sure. Anyone who says otherwise has never been poor.

The chickens that came home to roost are unpaid balances. And the subsequent disconnection of my phone and internet right before Christmas. Which is why this post is late.

I now have to use the mobile hotspot on my cellphone to do anything, and the reason I still have a landline phone is the decided lack of service here – so frustrations abound. Of course, it’s all my fault, so I’m trying to just work with them…but I still want to throw things. Hard.


Okay, so I guess this is going to be Monday’s post instead of Friday’s, as it is now Saturday and I’m not finished with it.

Frustration, much?! *sigh*

Some things I am working on to ensure this little situation never happens again is the dreaded budget. And my budget is so tight it squeaks. My family is not going to be happy when all the little pleasures that they have been accustomed to go bye-bye. At least for a while.

But financial stability is far more important.

I already know that I’m going to have a hard time saying no because I do want my family to be happy – and this is going to be a shitty Christmas already. Like, worst Christmas I’ve had in a long time shitty. 2019 hasn’t been my year, or my daughter’s, or my boyfriend’s – but hey, 2020 is literally right around the corner!

Seriously, I had the lowest child support month ever while actually receiving child support this month. $27. WTF am I even supposed to do with that? $19 went to Christmas, $8 to my gas tank. #winning

Just got back from the food pantry this morning, which requires me to be awake at the bullshit hour of 5 am and out the door by 6. It was 5F degrees outside.  So I had to get up at bullshit o’clock and go outside in bullshit weather. It was bullshit, but I can feed my family for a little longer.

Now I’m just waiting on the turkey box, so I can maybe feed them Christmas dinner on Christmas day. *sigh*


To say that I have reaped what I’ve sowed would be accurate. 

Granted, it really isn’t entirely my fault, but there’s nothing I can do to change those aspects – I can only work within the realm of my own control. And who knows, maybe it IS really entirely my own fault – no one knows for sure the extent of reality that the brain creates.

So maybe every part of reality that touches me was created by one or more of my own thoughts. Scary, but interesting.

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

But I do know this – I haven’t reaped everything that I have already sowed yet. And I have many years of sowing left, with the average life expectancy of my family, barring any sudden terminal illness or accidents. I have sowed as much good as I have negative (I really hate the word bad for some reason) and I have the obvious chance to sow much, much more positive things for Future Me.

It would be very easy for me to get caught up in the negatives, playing the victim and being all why me? over this. But if we create our reality – wouldn’t that just be sowing MORE of this nonsense? What logical sense does that make?! We certainly do not want more of this negative stuff, that’s for sure.

Future Me would not be very happy with Present Me, that’s for damn sure.

Just like Present Me is not too happy with Past Me but knows there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Maybe Present You isn’t happy with Past You, it’s not a very comfortable feeling, is it? What we can do from this point on is keep Future Me/You in mind when doing things with Present Me/You…what will Future Me think about this? Does this get me to where Future Me wants to be? I can’t do that, Future Me wouldn’t like it.

You know how your Mom or Dad allowed you to always use them as an excuse? Use Future Me and lay the blame squarely at their feet.

Just don’t use it as a form of avoidance. You still need to sow, just like I do – and even doing nothing is something, a choice, a form of sowing. Doing nothing is NEVER not doing anything. The difference with doing nothing is you don’t know if it sways the balance towards the positive or the negative. It’s not neutral, it goes one way or another. It’s the mystery box if you will.

You reap what you sow – what have you reaped lately? Good or negative? How has it changed you or your life? What can you do differently next time?